Totus Tuus "Totally Yours"

I am very pleased to announce that this is newest guest post that I have received from one of my fellow campers from the Seminary Summer Camps at St. Francis De Sales Seminary this year, Jay Egan. This past Seminary Summer Camp was Jay's first! Hopefully it will not be his last. It was so fun having Jay as a roommate and to be able to talk and pray with him. God bless you Jay and may He continue to guide you on your path of discernment. Know that I am praying for you each and everyday! You can read Jay's awe-inspiring post below.

This was my first time attending the 2011 seminary summer camp. I was really impressed, the whole experience was really illuminating. There were a couple of things that really stuck with me. First was the fact that I'm not alone. Satan likes to isolate and divide people, and build up a pride in their apparent uniqueness. This was an illusion that was instantly shattered. It was very easy to see that many of the boys there were very serious about discerning God's call, and genuinely desired to do the will of God, and the people there were equals. Second, the immense common bond and instant camaraderie shared by all the guys by virtue of their potential vocation. The community there felt like the Church Militant, and I got the sense that a number of boys were considering priesthood as a sort of zealous rebellion against the devil, the flesh, and the world. Most of the guys all seemed to be altar boy geeks like me. I expected something watered down, which is usually the fare teenagers get at things like this. This wasn't at all what I got. I had expected the talks to be basic, as if none of us had a regular prayer life. But the talks on prayer really addressed in many ways where I was at in my own spiritual life. We would talk about prayer, and it genuinely got you excited to pray (beyond just being emotionally enthused), and then we would go pray, and live out what we just talked about. It was all about living the theological truths we discussed. There was a great focus on hearing the voice of God and sitting in His presence. And then we would go pray before the Blessed Sacrament, pray the Liturgy of the Hours, go to Mass, and meet Him right there. It was a very contemplative experience for me, seeking silence to hear the voice of God and encounter His living reality and presence. I feel further convinced that His Majesty is calling me to serve Him as a priest, and the desire for this really takes my breath away. It's frustrating being unable to express one's gratitude to God, because He's so much bigger than anything you'd ever imagined. But I guess that's His will, to take your breath away and fill with silence and the breath of life – the Holy Spirit. This camp made be inexpressibly grateful for His goodness and the fullness of truth in His holy Church. One day I earnestly desire to say those infinitely precious and beautiful words: this is my body, this is my blood, and hold the fullness of truth Himself in my hands.

I was impressed by the service project, in which we helped the elderly and mentally disabled. I think I really was able to glimpse a manifestation of God's being there among the mentally disabled. They seemed really just so human. I could really feel God present there among them, amused and delighted by His creations simply enjoying themselves, even if they themselves might have been absolutely oblivious to His existence.

In this camp, Our Lord continued to open my up to the desire to do His will, and to abandon myself more deeply into His hands. Meeting the people there and growing closer to them impressed on me a lot of hope for the future of the Church and the world. His Majesty has a perfect plan, and the fulfillment of that plan is absolutely fantastic. One of the first things mentioned in the first of the talks was the literal translation for “fiat”, Our Lady's response to the message of Gabriel: do it. I guess this is the essence of sanctity. Abandon yourself to God, freely surrender everything you've got to His will, and let Him do it. In the words of the motto of Bl. John Paul II: totus tuus. Totally yours.

Deus tecum,

Jay Egan

Be Sealed with the Gift of the Holy Spirit

Be sealed with the gift of the Holy Spirit! These words are still ringing in my ears, engraved in my heart; a trace of the chrism is still on my forehead, in my hair and hands. What a wonderful spring break it was, to be able to celebrate the Triduum in a special way by cantoring to thank and praise God, and then be confirmed the next week!

This past Saturday was my Confirmation. My sponsor, Father Matthew Widder, and I were both fired up and excited. This was the day we had both eagerly awaited for 8 months. All candidates and their sponsors began the celebration of Confirmation in the back of church so that we could process in. Auxilary Bishop Richard J. Sklba, the presiding bishop at our Confirmation, tapped me on the shoulder and pointed to Father Matthew, "Is this your sponsor? You couldn't find anyone better?" he joked as he put his arm around me and shook Father's hand saying, "Good to see you Matthew." Father Matthew had just been ordained one year ago.

For me the coolest experience I ever had was being anointed with the sacred chrism. It smelled so wonderful! I chose to keep the name John Paul, my baptismal name, for my confirmation name. I wanted to keep my real name because my birthday was on the same date that Pope John Paul II was elected to the papacy, October 16th. It is for this reason that I was named after him. What made it even more special was that Pope John Paul II's beatification was on the following day. Father Matthew presented me proudly, "Bishop Sklba, I present John Paul!" Bishop Sklba then turned to me with sacred chrism in his hands and lifting them up to my forehead said, "John Paul, be sealed with the gift of the Holy Spirit!" Then he proceeded by taking more chrism and rubbed it in my hair, on my hands, and on Father Matthew's hands. It was such a beautiful sight. He then took my hands into his and said, "Peace be with you." After I responded with, "And also with you," Bishop Sklba looked into my eyes and said quietly, "And best wishes for continued discernment." At this my eyes began to fill up with tears of joy. I thanked the Bishop and then walked back to my pew with Father Matthew and we were both beaming and grinning. It was the happiest time in my life.

After the Mass, my family, Father Matthew, and I all went down into the church basement for a reception and a chance for a picture with Bishop Sklba. When it was my turn for a picture with Bishop, my sponsor and mom and dad joined me. Bishop Sklba put his arm around me again as we smiled for the camera and said, "John Paul, I really enjoyed your letter that you wrote." ( In the Confirmation sessions, one of the assignments we had was to write letters to the presiding bishop). "The priesthood is a wonderful life," he continued. "It is life-giving, fulfilling, and energizing. It is never dull or boring. It is a beautiful life. I'll be pulling for you during your discernment. Know of my prayers." When we were done taking pictures I shook his hand and thanked him for everything he had said. That was definitely a memory that I will never forget. What an honor it is to be told personally by the bishop that he would be praying for me!

The next day my family held a party for me at my house and had invited over 50 guests. I had not seen some of the guests in years, so the fact that my being confirmed had brought family members back was awesome and definitely moving. One of the highlights of that day was the fact that we had invited six priests to my Confirmation and all of them came either to the Mass or to the house for the party. It was cool to be able to sit down and eat lunch and talk with each priest. Each of them have impacted my faith and my views on priesthood and are very special to me.

The whole weekend was the most amazing experience I have ever had and I will never forget it as long as I live. I would like to thank everyone who was holding me close to their heart in prayer as I made my way up to my Confirmation and was sealed with the gift of the Holy Spirit. It really means a lot to me how much everyone cares for me and is keeping me in their daily prayers. I really appreciate that. Thank you for all that you do and have a Blessed Easter Season!

Also on the top of the page is my Confirmation picture with my parents, my Sponsor Father Matthew, and Bishop Sklba. It is kind of blurry but I still love it!:) -John