Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Feelings

It seems that every time someone looks like they have everything together, does the right thing or seems holy beyond measure, it seems like at that moment that the Devil will come after you hard. He will try to tempt you, try to exploit your weaknesses, trying to get you to let go just once from God and what he wants you to do.

This is something that I'm sure everyone has experienced, and unfortunately its something that I'm going through right now. At this point in my life, I feel under attack, then again doesn't everyone feel this way once in a while? Still, this feeling really bothers me. It bothers me that people look at my blog, write to me asking for advice, telling me that I will make a great priest someday and look at me as someone who is surely on the right path. It bothers me that I write back emails answering questions, counseling fellow friends, trying to give away words of wisdom, all while I struggle with very same things. I feel like a complete hypocrite.

It's easy for me when things are going right to say: "Lord, give me a cross to carry, and let me bring others closer to you and lead by example," but then as soon as a little temptation hits me, I'm done and I give up. On the outside I may look like I persevere through temptation and sin but on the inside when no ones looking over my shoulder, at that moment, that's when I give in to temptation. People tell me that I am strong in my faith, but in honest truth, my faith is weak. The quote, "How do you live your life, when no one is watching?", makes me think of myself every single time.

This may seem like a dark and depressing blog post, probably one that many of you will pass over. Some of you maybe thinking to yourself, "He used to have strong faith, and now it looks like he is no longer faithful to God. He has lost all hope and trust." But isn't this true for all of us? Isn't this something that we all face? Everywhere we look there are distractions, traps, bad decisions and sometimes they do get the best of us, but the challenge is making sure that no matter what we do, no matter how far down in the dark we feel, that we still stretch out our hands toward Jesus and His loving mercy.

Jesus loves us no matter how many bad things we do or say, but its up to us to make an effort towards Him. If we even so much as take a step in God's direction, we know that He will run a million miles to where you stand. We all have ups and downs, we all have difficult challenges that we face, but no matter how many times we fall, no matter how many times we feel worthless and down and covered in sin, we must remember how important it is to get back up and continue on the path to forgiveness. Christ will meet us there, guaranteed.

6 comments:

  1. John,

    May God Bless You! I know exactly how you feel. So many people, after reading my blog, come up to me and tell me what a wonderful Priest I would make. Yet, I too realize that with the weakness of my faith, the only way I will accomplish God's will is by casting myself upon Him and His mercy, and letting Him take control. Remember the poem of "The Footprints in the Sand?" The Lord has not adandon you, nor will He ever, in this time of formation - He is carrying you closer to Himself day by day.

    Ken

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  2. Thank you for expressing how many of us feel, no matter our vocation, and also for reminding us to continue to get back up and follow the path of forgiveness. I am a follower of your mom's blog too.

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  3. Never give up! Discouragement is one of the strongest weapons that Satan wields over us.

    Have strength! pax et bonum!

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  5. My name is Angelene, I am 18 in my first year of college in California. I have the same feelings. I am discerning being a sister and some people think I won't hold on to this vocation for too long when in fact I have been wanting this my whole life. Some days I feel so full of God's glory and peace then other days I feel empty and doubtful. For me prayer has grown like an addiction! Once you start you can't stop and if you do your desires for the vocation wither. Temptation is definitely easy to give into especially when no one can see it within yourself, but keep on praying and try to get in contact with some seminarians who you can call for advice or just chat with. I have made some great religious friends who actual advised me to get a spiritual director, so don't let your age stop you and try to start meeting to set your path towards a beautiful life of saving souls and bringing them back to God, as St. Therese of Lisiex once said.

    God Bless my dear brother in Christ!

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